Your past has shaped you, but in no way does it have to define you.....

        

    

I am constantly judging myself due to my past. I judge myself by what I think others might think, or even actually say to my face. I always believe and judge in a way that's not kind, but instead hurtful; "no one will love you for the thing you done, let happen, stood by, been a victim of, no one will love you want to be your friend. so cover up yourself with doubt and fear." This is what has kept me from sharing all these year, all these years of suffering in silence, grieving alone.

God has shown me over and over again his grace, by not only showing my how other Moms in my life, my peers, open there arm up to me by giving my support, love and share my pain . I have had Moms, open up to me before they even opened up to anyone about the loneliness, the abandonment, after closing down to there husbands, family, friends. They'd spoken with me about open their eyes to see they are not alone they have others that have felt the same way. I heard them say I have beat myself up for being so sad and convinced myself not one more person wants to talk to my about my child, they just need to just let that hurt out verbally to someone; but mostly, now, I know that people can be trusted with the story of our wonderful children and the hole it has left in our lives.

 

In Jeremiah 29:11For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

 

I hold on to the knowledge that God has good plans for me even in the midst of my deepest despair; he is helping me make my Mess into a helpful and strong message of survival of hope and of love.