God does not put more on you than you can handle...

 

 boy have I hear this one to many times. I know God does not treat us or think in this closed minded way..

 

 

Family is the worst for saying the stupid hurtful things they think can help you through a loss of a child.... don't get me wrong friends and strangers can be just as hurtful and don't even think twice about saying thing like this.

 

But to those who are going through a brand new loss or ones still struggling with people commenting on it in a way that not only crushes you but can break you in two.....

 

I want to say this to you ignore them for they just do not know... walk away from the whole thing if need be you do not need to protect them from hurt... your going through enough don't feel any guilt for protecting your heart and mental wellbeing which is so fragile right now I give you permission.

 

 

 Unless you’ve lived it, you can’t fully “get it”, and there’s not one person who has experienced the loss of a child that would wish this kind of pain on anyone – not even their worst enemy. 

 

There are some things that are a blur and will always remain a blur following the death of my two year old son and after my other losses it was hard to think clearly.  But, the things that remain clear to me are the things that were said to me during my darkest hours of grief. The words that were meant to soothe the pain often didn’t.  And years later, I often find myself thinking about those careless words spoken so many years ago.

 

I don’t believe people mean to hurt when they say things to a grieving parent. I want to share some of these so others won’t continue to make the same mistakes and hurt the ones they are trying to help and encourage.

 

 

So don't say things like this.

 

 

• “He/she was sick, so it’s best that he/she died young and didn’t have years of suffering ahead.”
• “God always chooses the most beautiful flowers first.”
• “God needed one more angel and so He chose yours.”
• “It’s for the best.  You would have had a lifetime of struggles with a child that was sick.”
• “Accidents happen.  That’s just how life is.”
• “The next time you get pregnant, you need to take better care of yourself.”
• “You’re so lucky that you have other children now.  Just count your blessings.”
• “At least you had him/ her for a while with you.  Some people never get the chance.”
• “The baby probably had something wrong with it.  That’s why these things happen.  Count yourself blessed that this loss happened.”
• “Rely on your faith.  It will get your through.”
• “Just pray and everything will be okay.”
• “Well, this was just not meant to be.”
• “You’re strong.  You’ll get through this just fine.”
• “In a few weeks you’ll be feeling good as new.”
• “I lost my dog last year, so I know how bad you’re hurting.”
• “I know just how you feel.”
• “I know a lady who lost two children at one time.  At least you only lost one.”
• “Think of it this way — God chooses only the strong to carry this much pain.  You’re one of God’s strong ones.”
• “Time heals all things.”
• “If you keep busy, you’ll feel much better in a few weeks.”
• “In another month you’ll be pregnant again.”
• “Now your lives will settle down.  I know dealing with a sick child was wearing you down.”
• “God teaches us great lessons through our pain.”

 

 

Getting my point I think here right...

 

 

...the words only pierced deeper into the already open wound left by child loss.

 

Nobody can know exactly how another person feels!

 

    Time does not heal all things. 

 

 And, faith is not measured by the amount of grieving we do.

 

 

  Words can hurt so much — even when they’re meant to help.

 

  Something that helped me the most was hearing nothing complete silence from people no words at all.  Just people walked up o me arms wide open o comfort me to let me cry and do it completely

 

 I did not mind hearing people praying for me or extending a hand to pray with me. I don't have words for you just know I praying for you.  I’ll pray every day for God to somehow bring hope to you in this time of sadness.